Anger is a normal part of every
relationship, whether it is between partners, family, friendships, or work
relationships. Still, anger that accumulates and remains unprocessed becomes
resentment, something much more corrosive and dangerous to all relationship.
When resentment shows up in a
relationship, it’s as if the grave is being prepared for the feelings of love
and connection. The relationship may remain in spite of resentment if commitment
is built into it, such as a family relationship. But a romantic relationship, such
as a marriage, marches towards a slow and painful death with enough accumulated
and unprocessed resentment.
If you or
your partner have feelings of resentment, these feelings can lead to certain
predictable actions. The person feeling resentful may be:
- Less trusting of the other person
- Stop wanting to give as freely in the relationship
- Feel less love or desire for intimacy
- Not want to spend as much together time
As you can imagine, these feelings
do not lead to a happy, satisfying relationship. Yet, most people ignore the
deteriorating effect on their relationship, trying to continue to have the
relationship on top of resentment.
Where Does Resentment Come From?
Resentment is comprised up of old
feelings of anger and disappointment. To prevent it from eating your
relationship from the inside out, you and your relationship partner need to do
something let go of these old feelings.
Uncleared
resentment works against the good feelings between you and can be a path to more distance and more negative
interaction. Resolving resentments together, if done right, creates
understanding, closeness, trust, and love.
Resolving Resentments
First of all, talk to your partner
about the state of your relationship. Let them know that you notice less
closeness, more frustration with each other, less connection. Talk about how and
why both of you are carrying around some old frustration, anger and resentment
at each other. Ask if they are willing to work through these feelings with you
in some honest, calm conversations about how each of you feels. If you get a
yes for an answer, you picked a partner who’s going to work with you to make
your relationship better.
Resolving resentments may take a while
and depends on the length of your relationship and the amount of resentment
each one of you is carrying towards the other. For some couples, the process
could take months to complete.
The good news is, if you are committed
to resolving the resentment clearing correctly, you will be growing closer to
each other with each conversation. This means the time of resolving resentments
is also a time of positive relationship building, and is a time well spent.
For more information on how resentment can affect a relationship, visit https://onlinetherapywell.com or http://sanjosecouplescounseling.com.
For more information on how resentment can affect a relationship, visit https://onlinetherapywell.com or http://sanjosecouplescounseling.com.