Marriage Counseling for Couples Who Are Codependent

Codependency is the sacrificing one’s personal needs in order to try to meet the needs of others. It is typically associated with passivity and feelings of shame, low self-worth, or insecurity. Codependency was originally coined to describe a person’s dependence on the addictive behaviors of a partner or family member, usually with regards to drugs and alcohol. Today it is more broadly defined as behaviors of someone whose actions and thoughts revolve around another person or thing.

Codependency is not constitute a diagnosable mental health condition, largely because the symptoms of codependency are so broad and widely applicable. The most notable symptoms associated with codependency may be people-pleasing behaviors and the need for the validation and approval that comes from caring for and rescuing others. Codependents often have poor boundaries, fear being alone or without an intimate partner, and deny their feelings.

Other characteristics of codependency may include:

• ·       Perfectionism and a fear of failure Definition of codependency
• ·       Sensitivity to criticism
• ·       Denial of personal problems
• ·       Excessive focus on the needs of others
• ·       Failure to meet personal needs
• ·       Discomfort with receiving attention or help from others
• ·       Feelings of guilt or responsibility for the suffering of others
• ·       Reluctance to share true thoughts or feelings for fear of displeasing others
• ·       Low self-esteem
• ·       Internalized shame and helplessness
• ·       Projection of competence and self-reliance
• ·       A need to control others
• ·       Self-worth based on caretaking
• ·       Feeling undeserving of happiness
• ·       Caring for and enabling someone who abuses drugs or alcohol

Couples counseling often helps when one or both partners are codependent. If one partner is experiencing codependency chooses to provide care for others, he or she may resent the other partner and label them as “needy.” He or she may feel trapped in the role of caregiver to the other partner, even though that role provides a sense of importance and an escape from working on personal issues.

Partners with codependency may also experience clinical depression, chronic anxiety, and/or drug or alcohol addiction, factors which can also impact a relationship. Addiction can develop as a way to avoid difficult emotions or to feel a sense of belonging with a partner who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Because codependency is usually rooted in childhood, individual psychotherapy may also be needed in addition to couples counseling. A child who is constantly called upon to meet the needs of others will learn to suppress his or her own needs and may become addicted, in a sense, to filling the caregiving role. For example, someone who grew up with a drug-addicted or alcoholic parent, or who experienced abuse, emotional neglect, or the reversal of the parent-child role (in which the child is expected to meet the needs of the parent) may develop codependent behaviors, and these patterns tend to repeat in adult relationships.

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Learning to Date Post Divorce

Most of us found dating difficult prior to getting married, and it isn’t generally any simpler after divorce. Everybody has baggage, but divorced people frequently have a tendency to carry much more of it, particularly when they’re just coming back towards the dating scene. This is one of the most topics that therapists hear about from divorced clients who are in therapy.

Furthermore, divorced individuals are from practice if this involves dating, so it may be challenging even which are more social of animals.

Frequently, people being released of divorce are generally too reluctant or too quick to begin dating again. In case your ex-spouse was the one that made the decision to depart the wedding, you might find yourself coping with an additional dose of insecurity. However, should you left your partner psychologically a while ago or end up uncomfortable being single again, you might be enticed to start dating too early - before your divorce is final.

Usually of thumb, it’s better to wait a minimum of six several weeks before dating again. That enables you time to handle the complex emotional and legalities of divorce and also to grieve losing one relationship before beginning another. Additionally, it gives you a chance to reflect on where you stand inside your existence, what went wrong inside your marriage relationship and what you would like from future associations.

Should you begin dating and discover that you are based on that body else to help you feel happier about yourself and fewer lonely and therefore are waiting through the phone every evening to deal with to, individuals are indications you might need additional time being psychologically more powerful before becoming associated with someone again.

Whenever you do start dating again, heeding some simple advice may help avoid common issues. First, go gradually and never. It may be simple to put on a unique relationship immediately, but it’s better to make certain there are many social connections outdoors the individual you’re dating.

Believe that you might be hurt again. n Resist becoming sexual too early. Whenever you do become intimate, be wise about this and exercise safe sex. Should you be married for any very long time, you’ll find safe sex an even bigger problem now than ever before marriage.

Take care not to transfer issues in the marriage for your new dating companion. In case your spouse was disloyal, don’t bring that distrust to the present relationship (without valid reason).

For those who have children, take everything much more gradually. Wait longer to start dating so when you need to do, don’t introduce casual dates for your children. Lots of people think it is useful to sign up in divorce organizations, since people you will find dealing with (or have undergone) most of the same issues you’re going through.

Take a look at some books around the grief process as it requires divorce. Many self-help books have been shown useful to a lot of people because they rebuild their lives after divorce.

Finally, keep in mind that in lots of ways dating after divorce can participate the recovery process. Getting a effective date (or 2 or 3 or four) will help you affirm your positive characteristics, demonstrate you could have fun again and guarantee that others still help you find attractive in many ways. Ultimately, that’s a fantastic way to overcome losing a unsuccessful marriage.


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Middle-Aged Single People May Have Higher Dementia Risk

If you're single as well as in your 40s, it may be a proper idea to obtain betrothed. One study found unmarried middle-aged people may develop cognitive impairment than their joined alternatives.

Before you mind towards the chapel, consider a few caveats, such as the willingness to get couples counseling if needed. The scientists posited the association might be the other way round that individuals determined to find it difficult thinking show signs and symptoms decades before and for that reason have a problem with associations.

You will find more evidence to think about. Another study, that one from Israel, indicates that ruminating about existence could really safeguard your mind. If you are alone, then, possibly you need to be worried about it. In study regarding joined and non-joined people, stated is the first available, Swedish scientists examined 1,449 Finnish individuals who were asked in middle age and on the other hand in 1998, typically 21 years later.

The outcomes of both studies were likely to be launched Wednesday in the Alzheimer's disease Association 2008 Worldwide Conference on Alzheimer's in Chicago.

Almost 10 % of individuals within the study were identified with some type of cognitive impairment in 1998 48 had Alzheimer's. Individuals who resided having a partner in middle age were less inclined to be cognitively impaired than all of the others (including individuals who have been widowed, single, divorced or separated).

Following the scientists modified their figures to consider the results of things for example weight, exercise and education, individuals with partners still were built with a 50 % lower chance of showing indications of senility in later existence in comparison to individuals who resided alone. Individuals who remained single their whole lives were built with a bending chance of dementia, while individuals who have been divorced from middle age forward tripled their risk.

It isn't obvious why being single is more risky for that brain. Cognitive and intellectual stimulation continues to be considered to be protective against dementia generally. Residing in a few means that you're faced along with other ideas, perspectives and requires. You need to compromise, make choices and solve problems along with another person, that is more difficult and challenging. It's most likely simpler to really go to town your personal habits and programs if you reside on your own. However this theory only partly describes the outcomes since individuals who have been widowed and did not remarry were built with a much greater chance of dementia.

Within the other study, Israeli scientists checked out about 9,000 participants inside a multiple-year study of cardiovascular disease among male civil servants in Israel. Individuals who reported that they are probably not to ruminate about family difficulties in middle age were more prone to are afflicted by dementia in senior years. Several in five of individuals who ruminated minimal had indications of senility, in comparison to 14 % of individuals who usually ruminate"

Individuals who ruminated probably the most about work difficulties were even the least likely to be affected by dementia. Why the main difference? One possible explanation might be that some types of rumination might be connected with effective problem-fixing and therefore are a kind of cognitive activity. Cognitive activity continues to be shown to become connected with decreased risk for dementia.


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Communication Challenges in Marriage

Communication in marriage is one of the important marriage lessons married couples (including us) need to learn in order to have a healthy and lasting marriage. It is also one of the major lessons you learn in life.

Communication and marriage go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. But before you can improve communication in your marriage, you first need to learn how to communicate with your spouse.

Nobody's born a natural communicator. Like riding a bike or hitting a baseball, communication in marriage is a skill you can learn. Good communication is the key to improving your relationship.

Psychologists have been studying communication in marriage for years, and there's a lot of consensus among experts about how happy couples communicate differently than unhappy ones. Communication in relationships is like a river. When thoughts and feelings flow smoothly between marriage partners it's fun, feels good, and helps support everyone around. However, when communication flow is turbulent, it's potentially dangerous and destructive. When communication gets blocked, pressure builds up. Then when the words start flowing again, they tend to come out suddenly in a damaging raging flood.

Because many couples struggle with healthy communication in marriage, especially about important issues, it’s common for couples to avoid their big, difficult topics. They share trickles of information back and forth about who’s going where when and who’s going to pick up the kids, without ever diving into the conversations that are actually most important to them. Overtime, the lack of a full communication flow dries up the passion and love between them.

What does great communication in marriage look like? In a great relationship couples talk freely, openly, and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. They comfortably and considerately verbalize their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive thoughts when things are good. Both partners talk tactfully, staying far from attacking, hurtful or controlling comments.

Couples with good communication listen attentively, trying to understand what their partner says with sympathy rather than looking for what’s wrong in what their partner has to say or dismissing what they hear, even if they have a different perspective. After talking, both people in the marriage feel good about the conversation, and feel like their concerns have been considered and addressed.

Communication is said to be key to marriage. However, many couples aren’t sure what sorts of communication mistakes they make and can’t pinpoint just where they’ve gone wrong.

Just because you are talking doesn’t mean you are communicating well. And just because you aren’t talking doesn’t mean you aren’t communicating. Effective communication means that both partners are able to openly discuss their thoughts and feelings while also being able to listen to one another.

Sometimes couples get into bad habits when it comes to communication. Breaking free from bad habits can be hard. The first step in improving your communication is identifying your communication problems.

Often, couples don’t know when to put the brakes on a conversation. However, once things get heated, it can easily pass the point of no return. When people get angry and voices get raised, it’s unlikely that anything will get resolved.

When people get emotional it becomes nearly impossible to listen effectively. People tend to focus more on what they will say next rather than what their spouse is saying. Also, when people are angry they tend to try and get the other person to hear what they are saying. Often, people raise their voice or keep repeating the same things. Compromising, negotiating, and problem-solving become nearly impossible.

It is essential for couples to learn how to recognize when they are becoming too distressed to continue a discussion. Taking a break to calm down can be very helpful and can allow each person to be able to think more rationally and to develop more empathy for their spouse’s point of view.

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